Quest for Haagen 3.0 - Step 2: The one-on-one

Today, we met with a case manager for our first one-on-one meeting.  Going in, it was super scary for me.  I was thinking of it as an interview, which, on a small level, it may have been.  As usual though, I apparently over thought the situation and built it up to be a make-it or break-it interview.  On the wya there I knew I would screw it up and answer something in a very stupid way - trying to  be funny but ending up being incredibly stupid - and they would immediately stamp a huge red no symbol on and then shred my application. Well, because people have those stamps, right?  I need one...off to Amazon...

Basically, I was a dork and much ado about nothing.  She explained they like to have these meetings in case there are questions that the potential parents have and they feel uncomfortable asking in front of the crowds at orientation or training.  We had questions, but none that we didn't want to ask in front of anyone - just questions we had thought of during the meeting.  So, really, it was a good meeting!

She did have a few questions for us, for which she seemed to like our answers.  She also said a few times that it is possible to find the right match on the first foster try - so here's hoping!  No, I am not getting ALL my hopes up for this but it is a possibility.  Honestly,  I think it has a lot to do with how much we tell them up front about us and about what we are looking for.  From what she was saying, a lot of people think they want something specific - or think they will be ok with one type of kid - and then they get that and it is not as expected or not what they really wanted.  The case managers make it VERY clear that the parents need to explicitly tell them what they want or don't want.  Otherwise, they will call those parents with EVERY kid that fits the criteria.

We really don't have that much as far as criteria.  Age is the only thing we have.  We want a child that is younger than Lars.   That's about it.   

The next step is January 25th when we take our first class.  It lasts for the full day and then class #2 is the full day on the 26th.  We will be busy and overwhelmed, I am sure.  

Here we go... the search for Haagen 3.0

It has begun.

Our lives are, as they should be, filled with adventure.  We may not ever become the family whose adventures take them around the globe.  Our adventures may not even take us out of the country.  What I can assure you, is that the adventures we take, big or small, will have an impact on us as humans, as friends, and as a family.  Now is the time for a new (scary, exciting, and emotional) adventure.

Over the years, we have talked about whether we should have or if we would want another kid.  Before we got married, we had talked about it several times.  He wanted three kids, I wanted one.  Our compromise was two.     After the boy though, I kind of went back on my word.  Oh come on, don't give me a hard time about it.  I didn't expect it to happen! When they say a baby changes everything, they don't really explain what that means.  It changed my mind about wanting another baby right away, that's for sure.  It takes a toll on you - mentally and physically.   I didn't totally go back on my word anyway, I just put it off.  We tried for another one later, it just didn't stick.

During those talks so many years ago, we discussed adopting and we were both completely for it.  Now that Lars is 4 we have decided it is time.  And, as luck would have it, he has been asking for a brother.  Or a sister.  Depending on the day.  When I was his age, I wanted a kangaroo so we are ahead of the curve with this one.  So, as we do with so many things, we started researching and planning and thinking - overdoing all of it.

I got an email from Chris one day while I was at work.  He was at a show in Philadelphia when he received an email from his HR department asking for ideas / nominations for charities and he wanted my opinion (wait, what? Really...MINE?).  His awesome company picks one each year and focus on it for fundraising over the holidays.  I did a quick search for a charity or organization for children that was local and came across one called Jonathan's Place.  They have an amazing shelter in Garland that takes in abused and neglected kids.  Oddly enough, they also have a foster to adopt program, well, lookie there.  Sometimes you just get that strong urge to finally just DO IT ALREADY.  I sent the info to Chris and added that I was going to call them to talk about their adopting program.  I made the call, scheduled our orientation and BAM.  We were in.

Orientation was so uplifting.  It really didn't teach us a whole lot, I mean they went over the organization and the requirements and all but the best part was just that feeling of...they need us.  These kids need someone, us, to just love them and teach them that they can be loved.  We can do that.  For all of the struggles that it will undoubtedly bring, and all of the emotional turmoil we will most likely get into for one reason or another, our job in this is to teach any kid we get, permanent or not, that they are worth being loved and that there are people that will love them.  These poor kids have not had that before.  We can do that.

We are SO excited to do that!!  Don't get me wrong, we are still scared and worried but much more excited than either of those.  The good we can do far outweighs the bad that could happen.
I will keep you posted, no doubt.

Why I am was breaking up with Facebook

For quite some time now, I have been debating leaving the socially awkward world of Facebook and have very recently decided it is coming to the time it actually happen.  For me, logging into Facebook has become like going to the lame party you really don't enjoy but are obligated to go because all your friends are going.  So, you go and you just wander like a zombie though the maze of people, making small talk with a few, creepily staring at others while wondering why anyone even invited them in the first place and trying to get the attention of the core group of friends you have while they are distracted with a hundred other people and games and memes.

Here are my reasons for leaving the party all by myself.  These will be in order of counting down to the most influential and important reason. 

5.  Facebook has gotten ridiculous with ads

     Seriously, between the right quarter of my page covered in unnecessary and repetitive ad for items and services I don't need.  I do not want to be an ultrasound tech nor have I ever looked into being one.  I want to do that as much as I want to play Candy Crush Saga, which seems to be an ad CONSTANTLY on my screen.  Do they honestly think I haven't seen it enough having been bombarded by all of these requests my friends send to me?  Not only are they on the side of my screen, but they also are brought into my timeline feed in between friend posts.  I hide a lot of them but there are always others.  it is like the sand at the beach when you get home; just when you think you got it all out of your crevices, you feel more ten minutes later.  Facebook ads are the sand in my crevices.  

4.  It has gotten dull and the grammar sucks.  My grammar is not perfect by any means.  My biggest issue is grown people speaking like a teenager in 2005.  There is more than one person that, when they post, I literally do not know what they are saying.  Each time I read it I wonder if I have actually had a stroke and my brain just is not functioning the way it should.  After the fourth or fifth time reading and not getting it I finally give up and move on to literate people that have something to actually say.  That in itself is getting tougher to come by though.  Not every post needs to be a scream it from the top of the mountain so everyone can hear it thing but really, I, wait, NO ONE, cares about your mundane day-to-day tasks.  People commonly say to "leave that for Twitter" but I honestly don't think they care over there either.  There are those Facebookers that post the same things over and over.  There is nothing more substantial in your like than being on another flight. You travel for your job.  Woo freaking hoo.  That is like me posting every time I work up a cost projection for my client moving a person to France - again.  Would anyone care about that? Nope.  That's why I don't do it.  If that is the case and there is nothing else going on for you, I think you should get off Facebook and make new friends.   Had triplets?  Hell yeah, post that!

3. It shows us how our friends can be when they are uncensored.  Facebook is many things to many people.  Some of use use it as a way to stay in touch with others, some use it as their news source, some are just nosy / curious about everyone else, and there are those that use it as an outlet.  We all have opinions, we all need to find a way to get those out.  Some people keep them hidden.  Until they get their hands on a keyboard and a Facebook account.  It is these secret people that shock me.  By secret, I am talking about those people that are one way in person and a completely different person on Facebook.  They use it as their podium, their safety net to post what they want to say without fear of what others will think.  It makes them strong.  It sometimes makes them assholes too.  Do we all have that friend we love to see in person but hate to read on Facebook?  I sure do.  I wish I have never befriended some of those people on Facebook because I sure like them better in person.

2.  Even with all of the above complaints, it is still addictive.  I admit, I like to be cynical and bitch about other people.  It is fun and I am good at it.  I'm not alone in this, right Alicia!?! *waiting for my high five that may never come*.  So, yes, I find myself checking it all the time.  On work breaks, off work breaks, at lunch, at home, before bed.  All the time. Because - there is no reason.  I hate how much time it takes away from other things like Larsipan and StumbleUpon.

1.  It gets mixed up with real life.
One day a friend asked me if I had spoken to another of our friends recently.  "Yes, of course, I spoke to her the other day" was my response.  After this I realized,  I really hadn't spoken to her...all we did was comment to each other on Facebook about her status.  We had not had an actual conversation in weeks.  I believe Facebook is an excellent way to keep in touch with far away friends or even to make new friends through others.  However, it is also a way to avoid actually seeing people that live near you.  It gives a false sense of closeness.  We take for granted that we "talk" to these people every day or "see" what they are doing in their lives but we really are looking at it as an outsider; almost like a stalker.  It seems to be hurting my friendships.

************Update:  I am not, in case you have not noticed, leaving Facebook.   Here is why:

It is not Facebook's fault that all of this bothers me. It is not Facebook's fault that some of my friends speak like a 14 year-old or that others lead extremely boring lives or even that I turned into a stalker that does not see my friends often enough.  It is all my fault.  Well, not my fault for the first two but my fault for 1) letting it bother me and 2) being friends with people I don't want to hear about.  SO - I deleted those teenage-talking dweebs and the ones that are extremely boring.  I also am going to make it a point to see my friends more in real life.

Having so many friends far away and meeting new people through amazing friends on Facebook are what keeps me here.  So,  I just need to change what I don't like and quit bitching about it.  Nah, I will still bitch...I will just enjoy it more.

There are so many GOOD things about Facebook that got hidden by the bad.  The bad is and always will be there but I need to focus on the other not-bad things.  The great things people do post, the amazing things people have to say about each other, the fun events that I get invited to.  It all needs to keep going and I want to be there for it.  Facebook is teaching me to refocus my attention on the positive and reorganize my friends into real ones vs. fake Facebook friends.  I don't have any of those any longer.   My friend list consists of those people that I would have over to my house for dinner.  This is something I just need to make happen MORE.  

Hate never begets love

Along with so many other of my friends, we are disappointed that there is actually a Facebook page dedicated to the killing of George Zimmerman.  Why Facebook allows this page to exist is beyond me.  To be honest, I feel I may be done with Facebook because of this.  On to Google+ I say!  Before I leave I had some final words to the inconsiderate murderer-wanna-be that started this "Kill George Zimmerman" page.  This is what I posted on his page:

Although I 100% agree our judicial system failed us (as a general societal "us), what kind of world do you want to live in where we socially, globally, and so adamantly condone and encourage killing?  Whether it is in revenge or simply because you disagree in how this was handled, it does not make it right to perpetuate the killing of a man.
I also disagree that this was a race case in the eyes of the jury.  This was a case of a horrible prosecution team vs. a better defense team than this guy deserved.  Same attorneys and same jury - I feel this would have ended with the guy walking away no matter his race and it would be as much of a disappointment and catastrophe as it is today.  What happened was arguably preventable, wrong, and so terribly handled by everyone involved.  But at the same time, to propose killing this man is absurd.  Nothing will change except for the loss it will be on his family.  You obviously will not care about that, but most of us do.  An eye for an eye does not make a better world.  Killing him will not change the world or even make others not want to kill.
You want changes?  We all want that - we all NEED that.   Love and coming together in support is what will change the world.  We need more of that.   

Many of us have reported this to Facebook because, really, what else can we do?  All of us have heard from Facebook with the response of:

Thank you for taking the time to report something that you feel may violate our Community Standards. Reports like yours are an important part of making Facebook a safe and welcoming environment. We reviewed the page you reported for containing credible threat of violence and found it doesn't violate our community standard on credible threat of violence.

This was my feedback to Facebook:

How can you support someone when your terms CLEARLY state that you prohibit promoting or celebrating any actions if they could result in harm to others?  While there is probably doubt that someone will kill George Zimmerman because of this Facebook post, it is promoting the killing of this man.  What does your term "credibly" mean?  I don't understand why this is acceptable to you.  Does George Zimmerman have to report it as harassment? Why can't we, as the public, report this on his behalf and save the trouble?  Your terms state that you: "take action on all reports of abusive behavior directed at private individuals".  This fits the harassment terms as well as the violence terms that state:
"You may not credibly threaten others, or organize acts of real-world violence. Organizations with a record of terrorist or violent criminal activity are not allowed to maintain a presence on our site. We also prohibit promoting, planning or celebrating any of your actions if they have, or could, result in financial harm to others, including theft and vandalism." 

How can someone rant about racism and wrong-doing yet turn around and start a page promoting the killing of another man?  The only good thing about this is that 90% - if not more - of the comments on that page are opposed to it.  The page only has a few hundred followers right now so there is still hope in the people of the world.  Facebook is really pissing me off though.