Many times I have tried. Many (ok, fine, ALL times) I have failed. This time - well, this time it may not be any better but I am at least going about it a new way so there's that. In defining insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, I also define my method to lose weight. Look at me; doing whatever I have been doing, or ever done, is obviously NOT working for me. Maybe it worked for her or that guy over there but not for me and really, I don't care what that girl did because I am not her.
Starting this time, I am winging it. Yup - no set plan just baby steps with whatever feels right at the time. No schedule. No expectations. No set restrictions for the long term. No diet. I am (understating this) not good with restrictions. Tell me I can't have it and BAM, I want it more than anything. Slowly take it away from me and I might be able to handle it better. Although, no one ever really tries to take anything from me so I don't know how this will go.
Step 1 (and so far, my only step planned)
Water, water everywhere. Only water for me. No tea, no coffee, no soda, no juice, nothing. Water. Sometimes I might add some lime but that's it. The only exception to be made here is alcohol because, what am I, a Mormon? Seriously, no way am I giving that up. I don't drink often enough to make it a problem anyway so blah blah. If I go out, I might drink an adult beverage (or 5) but other than the occasional going out, water only. My plan for this is at least 21 days. Everything will be in a 21 day plan at first. Longer will be better but I am going with the habit-forming 21 day standard to begin with. After this, we will see how it goes. I expect it will either work for me and I will just be great with only water after the 21 days or I will wonder what drug I was taking that made me think this was a good idea. If this works, I may go for something else like giving up sweets *shudder* or something like that.
This started today and so far has gone great! I forgot once and took a sip of our Soda Stream Diet Grapefruit drink but it was only a sip so sue me. *Fine print: there is no actual legal action necessary at this time please do not sue me as I really have nothing to give you. Life goes on, the water still flows. I have bottles of it all over in my refrigerator and will be taking them with me everywhere I go. If I don't have a bottle with me, please feel free to get me a water - with lime because that makes me feel like I am drinking a margarita from the world's worst or cheapest bartender.
Showing posts with label self-esteem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-esteem. Show all posts
YOT 69 - Boss Lady
I love my job. I just need to start by saying that because the rest of this may seem as if I feel the opposite.
My job is a good fit for me...I am not sure that I am a good fit for my job sometimes. I have been there for just going on a year and a half now. I was just getting to where I actually understood what I was doing! Things were flying in and I was tossing my net out there catching everything. Sure, some things hovered on the edge there but I always reeled them in at the end. I was feeling confident, proud, excited, and relaxed. Hell, I even got co-rookie of the year! The work is extremely interesting (to me - no one seems totally understand what it is I do even though it seems simple enough to me when I explain it).
I don't think even Chris understands it. If anyone there can explain to me what I do - someone that does not work where I do - I will give you a prize!
Then, oh then, the rug was yanked out from under me and I was scared. Starting new things is good for me. I need it; I crave it. So, being told I was going to learn so many new things was scare but so exciting! I was actually a little over-confident and convinced myself I could pick it up with no problem in no time at all. That's how I get along with almost every other thing I do. Except Microsoft Access - that bitch is still beating me.
There are times I am mistaken...this is one of those times. Many days, I feel like my job is winning. Especially lately. Whew, it is so much all at once! There are so many things I need to learn, remember, and DO. I am actually finding it very hard to keep track of it all and even tougher yet to actually make it happen the way it should.
My manager, however, is amazing. She is extremely patient, even when I screw up and cause her more work. Inside she might be screaming, "WHY IS LISA HERE!?!?! She should be working at 7-11!" But outside, she is telling me all of the reasons why I should not feel bad about the mistakes. "How could you have known this? I never showed you." or "You have only done this once or twice before" or "It was so easy to miss, I may have missed it too". There is always something she has to say to make me feel better about making her life miserable. There are also few people, believe it or not, that I have worked with that know more about Excel than I do. So,even there, I have so much to learn! She has taught me a ton of useful stuff with respect to formulas and formatting that I never even knew existed. Don't even get me started on how fabulous macros are! Man, I love Excel.
This YOT, I am thankful for my manager (whom I also consider a friend) for being able to put up with me and for being able to teach me SO much!
Oh, yes, she has her moments. We are a lot alike in that respect and, oddly, many others, but this most noticeably. She does not hide well her frustrated moods, nor do I. It is always a little comical and a bit scary when she is frustrated or angry with someone. When that person is ME, or even if i have a slight inkling it is me, though, I freeze. My desk is my bubble and I wait like prey being hunted. She is not bad when she gets like that but I think it goes back to childhood for me. Getting in trouble came often for me...but the punishment I received was NEVER ever as bad as the feeling of disappointing my parents (or anyone). Now that I am not with my parents, my next in line of being over me is my manager, whomever that may be. I have always had this feeling of a fear of disappointing people. Maybe it is not so much about them but the fear of disappointing myself; if someone else is disappointed in me then I can't really be proud of myself now can I?
I will get there. It is just taking me MUCH longer than I want or anticipated and until the time where I feel like I "got" it, I will feel like a complete loser - but I try to make up for it by being good at Excel and making people laugh. Those two things are my smoke & mirrors for now. It's all I've got!
Beautiful motivation that every single person needs - why you should compliment those you meet. (Also YOT 63)
I have been sitting here watching this video trying to find the words to explain how it has made me feel. As per my usual - I am just going to start typing and you will all see what ends up coming out -usually unedited and from the heart - as it all should be.
For so many of us, girls as well as you boys, looking in the mirror every morning feels like a bit of disappointment starting our day. I know I feel that way quite often. The worst times are when I get my hair ready, get dressed, get all put together, think I look awesome and then I look. My heart sinks, my shoulders slump, my eyes droop a little, my smile fades, and I can only shrug and walk out the door. I mean, what else can I do? I tried so hard and this is all I get...barely mediocre. Depending on the situation, I may also cry. So, there is that little bit of awesomeness to add to it so my mediocre rating has now been downgraded to just plain pitiful.
I know what I look like, I am seeing it in a mirror. There is no arguing that. Perception, however, is personal and different for everyone in every situation.
This video shows so much.
It shows us that we see ourselves in such an incredibly darker light than those around us see us.
It shows us that we are so extremely hard on ourselves.
It shows us that we are better than we think.
It shows us why saying something nice to anyone may boost their esteem more than we think.
It shows us that we are all memorable.
It shows us that we need to learn to love ourselves as others love us.
It also makes me aware that if I feel this way, I know there must be others and I feel so sad for them too. The feeling I described above is not something I wish on anyone especially since it is an almost daily occurrence for me. I look around at all my friends and cannot think of a single person who should feel that way. No one. I also look around and realize that those I always think NEVER feel this way, probably do feel this way now and then. They just see negative things in themselves that I don't see...just like they see positive things in me that I am missing every day (I hope!).
I am going to try very hard to see those positive things in me. I am also going to try even harder to make sure I point out those positive things I see in others. I do give myself credit on this point, I am usually excellent about pointing out the positives I see in people. Just the other day, in the restroom at the sink, there was a girl that looked like she was having a rough day. Seeing this, I blurted out, "I really love your hair, it is beautiful!" Ok, maybe it was nothing special, just pretty, curly, brown hair but saying those simple words made her eyes beam, her smile seemed to light up the room, and she appeared to have a little bounce in her step when she walked out (smiling).
Why do we forget to do these things? Why is 10 seconds too much time to spend saying that to someone?
I am sneaking in a YOT because I am so super incredibly behind and need to grasp every opportunity at this point - but today, I am incredibly grateful for every compliment I get. I am honestly not always able to show how excited I feel, how proud, and how boosted I get when someone says something nice to me (and to be honest, sometimes I really don't believe the comment is true), but I am thankful for each one I get.
For so many of us, girls as well as you boys, looking in the mirror every morning feels like a bit of disappointment starting our day. I know I feel that way quite often. The worst times are when I get my hair ready, get dressed, get all put together, think I look awesome and then I look. My heart sinks, my shoulders slump, my eyes droop a little, my smile fades, and I can only shrug and walk out the door. I mean, what else can I do? I tried so hard and this is all I get...barely mediocre. Depending on the situation, I may also cry. So, there is that little bit of awesomeness to add to it so my mediocre rating has now been downgraded to just plain pitiful.
I know what I look like, I am seeing it in a mirror. There is no arguing that. Perception, however, is personal and different for everyone in every situation.
This video shows so much.
It shows us that we see ourselves in such an incredibly darker light than those around us see us.
It shows us that we are so extremely hard on ourselves.
It shows us that we are better than we think.
It shows us why saying something nice to anyone may boost their esteem more than we think.
It shows us that we are all memorable.
It shows us that we need to learn to love ourselves as others love us.
It also makes me aware that if I feel this way, I know there must be others and I feel so sad for them too. The feeling I described above is not something I wish on anyone especially since it is an almost daily occurrence for me. I look around at all my friends and cannot think of a single person who should feel that way. No one. I also look around and realize that those I always think NEVER feel this way, probably do feel this way now and then. They just see negative things in themselves that I don't see...just like they see positive things in me that I am missing every day (I hope!).
I am going to try very hard to see those positive things in me. I am also going to try even harder to make sure I point out those positive things I see in others. I do give myself credit on this point, I am usually excellent about pointing out the positives I see in people. Just the other day, in the restroom at the sink, there was a girl that looked like she was having a rough day. Seeing this, I blurted out, "I really love your hair, it is beautiful!" Ok, maybe it was nothing special, just pretty, curly, brown hair but saying those simple words made her eyes beam, her smile seemed to light up the room, and she appeared to have a little bounce in her step when she walked out (smiling).
Why do we forget to do these things? Why is 10 seconds too much time to spend saying that to someone?
I am sneaking in a YOT because I am so super incredibly behind and need to grasp every opportunity at this point - but today, I am incredibly grateful for every compliment I get. I am honestly not always able to show how excited I feel, how proud, and how boosted I get when someone says something nice to me (and to be honest, sometimes I really don't believe the comment is true), but I am thankful for each one I get.
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