Plans - not resolutions - for 2014

I am not big on resolutions.  One simply cannot make absolute resolutions for an entire year; it is not realistic to me and leaves so much room for failure.   I can, however, make plans.  I intend to do these things but they are not strict, firm decisions.  Things change, things fall apart, plans change.  If you make a resolution and it is not followed through upon, due to any number of reasons, you have failed.  If you make a plan and the situation changes, your plan can change.  Resolutions are too steadfast for me.  My life, and my mind, is ever-changing.  These are not "new year - new me" items,  They are things I have needed to do anyway and writing it down always helps.

I do have many plans for 2014 though! These are in NO order and this probably will not be a complete list.  It may be a long one, feel free to read in shifts. 

1.  I plan on finishing my Year of Thanks.  Yeah, it is a bit late but I am still thankful for things.  Last December really got to me and I put a lot of things off.  This year, though, I am going to get my focus back in line and get things done.  The Year of Thanks is on that list.  I only competed 73 out of 365 so I have a bit of making up to do.

2.  I plan on moving to a new house.  I REALLY want this to happen.  At first, it is up to us and in our hands.  We need to finish painting and getting the house in order to get it listed but the PLAN is to have it on the market in January.  We found an agent we love and are so excited to work with her.  After we list the house though, it is a bit out of our control.  We then just need someone to love our house...all we need is ONE.  Fingers crossed!    Then we need to find a new house.  That's tough too as I can be picky.  I know, right? SHOCKER!! I want a pool, a fireplace, and enough space to have, well, space to play and live but I also want it under a certain price.  We may need to stay in an apartment for a bit until we find the perfect place but that's ok too - at least in an apartment I will have a pool!

3.  I plan on giving order to Lars' artwork.  He has been making art in school since he started daycare and I have done several things with all of it but have never been consistent.  Starting in 2014, I will scan every piece of it (that is not "scribble scrabble" as he calls it) and upload it into a photo book using Snapfish or one of the other photo book making places.  Whichever one has the best deal going on.  My intent is todo this yearly or by class (depending on when he moves classes/grades in school).  He begins a new class in January so that is an idea time to begin!  Going though his older stuff, I will do the same to it although it may not be in the correct order/class but ten years from now, who will know the difference anyway?

4.  I plan on taking one photograph a day.  It may not be of anything special, or even anything specific but I am going to try to take one picture a day to capture our lives, our actions, our emotions, everything.  One day it might be a family photo at LegoLand.  Another it may be a cool statue we saw on a walk down the street.  Who knows!?!  It is exciting! Oh, and at the end of the year, I will make all of these into a photo book as well.  Come on Snapfish - you've got a lot of business coming up - how about a good deal??

5.  I plan on doing Christmas shopping all year long.  If I see something I like for someone, I am going to buy it even if that is in January.  In fact, I created Amazon wish lists for all of my friends and family so that I can keep track of things I think they will like.  Alicia Gunnip and Mindy Smith (although, I named your Nash so I don't have to change it later plus by the time you get any gifts, you will be Nash anyway) already have gift ideas in there.  P.S. I made them all private so no one can see what I have in there.  BAM!  Don't go snooping.  P.P.S  You guys should alk use Amazon Wish Lists more - you can put EVERYTHING on there even if you find it on another site and Amazon doesn't sell it.  I know! That's awesome!  You can have everything you want on the internet in one list so that everyone can see it all.

6.  I plan on eating healthier, walking more, and swimming.  Period.  No weight loss goals.  No promises to exercise four times a week.  No false pretenses that I will eat under 1,500 calories a day. I just plan on eating healthier.  At first, that may simply mean I don't eat cookies for a week.  It is a small step and it means that I will be eating healthier than I would normally...so it's a WIN!  My Fitbit will get more use as well.  I keep forgetting about it when I take it off to charge it.  I don't know when the eating healthier thing will start because as I type this I am seriously craving some chocolate brownies.

7.  I plan on not ever giving up chocolate brownies.

8.  I plan on doing more for others.  Charity!  In fact,  I started a group - we have called ourselves WHO Cares (Women Helping Others). **Update:  There already IS a charity named W.H.O (Women Helping Others) - they took our name so we will be thinking of a new name.  It was either that or "Super Exclusive Charity Club"...exactly.  Our goal for this year is just to do monthly events for charity.  We are not sure what those events will be yet but we know we will do something - for others.  Our big goal is to have a fancypants ball at the end of the year or the start of the next.  If that doesn't happen, at least we will have done a bunch of other things throughout the year.

9.  We are still planning on Haagen 3.0 coming this year!  We had our one-on-one with the case manager over at Jonathan's Place and think it went well.  We are psyched about this and cannot wait!!  Classes start in January.  So, not much to report on until then but we will keep you posted.

10. I plan on more time with friends.  Moving to Arlington this year will help with that but even if that takes longer than expected, we plan on making more time with friends.  Movie and game nights, ice cream nights, drive-ins, LegoLand days, whatever.

11.  I plan on not procrastinating as much.  Far too often, I find myself putting things off in favor of doing something more ...well, lazy usually.  Most of the time, it is something that will only take a few minutes out of my time but I put it off and spend the time between that and actually doing it, worrying about it and thinking, "wow, this would have been easier if I had just done it".  So, maybe I should just do it from now on.

12.  I plan on writing more.  Still, I have no idea what to write but something will come out.  Most likely, most of it will be crap but it is still possible something good will come out of it.  Right?  Man, I hope so.  

YOT 73 - "I love you most"

We all have those memories of our moms that we hate; there are those things they did that we remember where we think, "Man, I seriously hated when she did that!".  The one that stands out the most is what she did on the mornings before school.  

She would come in our rooms and DEMAND us to get up as if we were in the Air Force (as she once was.  I am so incredibly proud of her for choosing to enlist into the armed forces.  I am quite sure, that is never an easy decision to make but she did it and, I believe, it was absolutely the right one for her.  Without that choice, I may not have been born!  I feel the Air Force made her stronger, made her proud, and gave her that sense of self that she was missing at the time.  It also gave her the perfect husband for her!  So, in the long run, the Air Force gave her happiness.)

Oh, and if you said you were sick, all hell would break loose.  No, you better have clear signs of leprosy or stroke or else your ass was getting out of that bed and going to school.  In all honesty though, she KNEW when you were faking.  I have no clue how in those 5 seconds of listening to us saying we didn't feel good she could do a full body scan on us and determine that we did, in fact, feel fine and just did not want to go OR that yes, they are a bit sick and staying home is a viable option.  Cyborg.  That is the only answer.  

If you did stay home, there were strict rules.  This, I am fully aware, was the final test for staying home.  If you felt fine, there is no way any sane person would agree to the terms and promises put upon you for the day.  If you felt horrible, you did not care about the rules and would comply to anything.  No television, no video games, no visiting of friends, no eating crap.  You would think we would realize that she wouldn't know all of these things even if we did them but the fact she knew we were faking basically made us wonder what else she could find out.  We were not stupid enough to risk it.  She also knew when we had tests.  She would say, "Don't you have a chemistry test today?"  Before my answer of "No, why would you think that?", my mind would reel with Wait, what?  I didn't tell you that, how do you know that?  What the hell? Are you talking to my teachers?  Crap.   ( Now that I am grown up, I appreciate the Dictatorship of my mother on school mornings.  This was the only time I remember her as that description, to be fair.  She had to be strict on us for this.  She was smarter than us in so many things but this especially.  She was teaching us so many lessons in that few minutes every morning.  She taught us that we could not fool her, that she was not to be "had" by a couple of evil-doing adolescents.  She was teaching us that sometimes, no matter how you feel, you have to do the right thing and just suck-it up.  She was teaching us that we were not going to ruin HER job and that she did not have time to baby us anymore because she also had to get to work; this in turn was teaching us that we were not the center of the universe. Life does not stop because we are too tired to get up or because we forgot to study for the test we had that day.  We needed these lessons.It now makes me second guess my feelings when I first wake up.  I fully believe that if my mother had let me stay home every time I wanted to, I would not have the work ethic I have today and would probably not have a job anymore.).  

My mom always says I got my stubbornness form Dad.  So not true.  Well, partly true, but not completely.  She was plenty stubborn. She was very hard to negotiate with as well.  If she said something, it pretty much was the way it would be.  Even Dad didn't [publicly] override her decisions. She says it is cleaning day and you want to go out with your friends?  Nope, you should have planned ahead and done your cleaning earlier.  You went to the mall and ate pizza with your friends an hour before dinner and want to skip it?  Sorry, it is family time and you chose poorly.  Mom ran the household whether she realized it or not.  (She had her stubbornness all along.  From the very time she met my father in the Air Force, it was mom that was being the stubborn one; she was fighting with him to keep her nail polish on when he was a medic and trying to get her to take it off for a procedure.  He must had appreciated the charm then too because not long after, they were married.  

Family time was always important.  It didn't matter if it was cleaning day or family dinner time.  Family dinner time could be anywhere from 5:00 to 10:00 at night.  The important part was that we were together whenever possible so if that meant Dad didn't get home from work until 9:00, and all we had was Taco Bell because it was late, then that is what we did.  I remember the nights of sitting at the table, or even the living room, with our Taco Bell eating dinner late but still doing it together.  As much as everyone dreaded cleaning days, there were some great qualities to them as well.  My mom would always have her hair up in her palm tree pony tail.  Her hair was always full and straight and usually short.  When it was long enough, she would put it up in a ponytail on top of her hear for cleaning days and fell ending up looking exactly like a palm tree.  I love that memory of her.  It was adorable.  She would also sing during cleaning times.  I remember being little and wondering why she never became a singer.  It was such a wonderful feeling hearing her sing.  She would sing such random songs but for some reason,  I can still hear hear singing 

"Lipstick on your collar told a tale on you

Lipstick on your collar said you were untrue

Bet your bottom dollar you and I are through

Cuz lipstick on your collar told a tale on you"

I still remember hearing her sing that and wondering if she meant it and during cleaning day, she found lipstick on Dad's collar.  I was too scare to ask but quickly realized that she was too happy when she sang it.  Had she been bitter and scary, I would have worried more.  

Now that I am grown, I make sure we always eat together as a family.  It might usually be in the living room but we are together and talking.  Where and what you eat, in my opinion, does not matter.  Mom taught us that if you are together, it is all good.  

Fighting with my mom happened quite often.  (92% my fault there, not hers).   We fought about everything   Why I couldn't go to my friend's house, why I couldn't talk on the phone for 45 minutes, why I had to do my homework.  Sometimes these arguments would end with just her saying, "you know what, fine. You go ahead and do whatever you want then if you are so smart."  Oh crap, that can't be good.  It always felt like a trap.  Or even when she said, "Go ask your father and see what he says".  I would always answer with, "Fine! I will, and he will be on my side!"  Yeah, he never was.  At least, if he WAS, he would side with my Mom in defense.  (Smart guy).  (Arguing with my mother was so difficult!  She was usually right and VERY clever in her arguments.  She used to tell me after I had gotten older that I was clever and it was hard to find points to argue with me about but, to tell you the truth, it was HER that was the clever one.  I only had to find new points because I had to keep up with HER.  She had excellent points and reasons for things so I found myself floundering and grasping for anything I could think of.  She made me have to think quick and become witty in my arguments.  The reason it felt like a trap when she said "do whatever you want" was because it was.  Oh, it was.  For anyone looking for advice about moms - when they say that - DON'T DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!! You will pay for it.  Mom taught us that you can, in fact, do whatever you want but you will ALWAYS pay the consequences.  They are usually not worth the choices.    Everything has consequences, good or bad.  She made us realize we had to think about that and weigh the options before making our choices. Mom always thought I thought I was smarter than them...but in actuality, I knew I wasn't and was trying to figure how to be.  I am still trying to figure that out. )

I love my mother. Period.  I would not trade her for any other mother ever.  She taught my sister and I how to be moms and how to be a family.  She taught us that family was not just blood but whomever you chose to into your heart to be your family.  She taught us to laugh at our mistakes, not dwell on them negatively.   Our mom did what moms are supposed to do.  She taught us love, family, strength, and the courage to live our lives being good people.  Courage, yes, because it is so much easier sometimes to make the bad choices.  She gave us the gift of learning how to choose the harder, yet right choices and making our lives, and others' lives, better.   

Mother's Dy can be quite commercial and cheesy, we know.  So I want you to know that I appreciate you each and every day.  Not a single day goes by that I don't use something you taught me or appreciate something about you and my childhood.  Mother's Day or not, I am so thankful for having you as my mom.   Thank you. 

YOT 72 - SMG being the good guy

Last week, as you may, or may not have any idea, I wrong a letter to Studio Movie Grill in Spring Valley about some of the compliments and complaints I had with my first ever visit there.
Didn't read it but want to?  Forgot all about it?  Here it is: Original Letter to SMG Spring Valley

Well, I have to admit, that the Assistant General Manager, Tim Pittman, seems to be a great guy that cares about his theater.  Here is his response:

I appreciate that you took the time to give us feedback on your experience.  I apologize, however, that it did not measure up to the standards that Studio Movie Grill has been known for.

We pride ourselves in delivering a great experience with quality food, excellent service, a clean store and a friendly smiling staff.  I see from your email that we did not provide that for you. The management staff is currently reviewing how to have the bathrooms continuously clean even during high volume time periods.  We currently have a staff member assigned to check every 15 minutes however I believe we may need to simply place someone in there always.  I am embarrassed that staff members were not more helpful to you and more pleasant. 

In regards the tables, these are almost exactly the same tables that are in the VIP rows of certain theaters in Arlington location.  The only difference is that placement of the light box.  I prefer the ones at Arlington also.  We are currently looking at newer table designs to better accommodate our guests here at Spring Valley.  I apologize that they caused such a difficult time for you and your family.

Please give us another chance to show you the true SMG experience.

He also is giving me four free tickets to use to give him another chance.  You bet I will do that, Tim!

So many times, we (you, me, everyone) mentions concerns or issues with management and they really just don't care.  I mean, many times they OBVIOUSLY don't care.  Other times you just get that vibe and expect nothing to change.  But, sometimes you get those people that seem to love their job, love their customers, and honestly want to be proud of their business and want you happy.  Tim Pittman is one of those guys and I believe Studio Movie Grill is one of those places.  

I am thankful when someone, especially a  business owner / representative, cares enough to acknowledge an issue, apologize, and think about ways to correct them.  Even without the ticket offer, this would have been an excellent email that made me want to visit again.  There were many good things about this place and none of the bad things ruined my night with Omega - all of which I mentioned in my email to him.

Tim, I will not say no to your ticket offer!  Please know that while it was absolutely not necessary  it is very much appreciated but not as much as your amazing attitude and response.  Thank you!

YOT 71 - Flea-be-gone!

I was at the end of my rope.  Seriously, something has to stop these fleas!  We have had them for months now, ever since we dog-sat for someone.  It's been horrible.  *insert pitiful sad face here*  No,really, it has.  there is flea dirt everywhere.  The dog is itching constantly.  It is embarassing when she goes to the vet and they have to clean up after her because she leaves flea dirt all over.  Nothing helps.  Literally, nothing I have tried has fixed it.  The Adams spray helps for a few days but then they come back - this sucks because every other year if we get fleas, I spray her with that and they are gone for good.

So, here I was on amazon.com (again).  I searched flea remedy for dogs and sorted by highest rated.  I bought the first one that was on the list immediately.

This is a one-day pill (although, I have had it lasting a few days) but they have a once-a-month pill that I got at the same time and she took that once the first night.  That one just takes a while to kill them because it only makes the adults sterile but does not kill them.  The one-day pill kills them.  So, together, they are a force to win them all!

Little City Dogs
Flea Killer Capsules for Cats and Small Dogs

I cannot say enough how great this stuff is!  Here is my review that I posted on Amazon.com:

To be completely honest, I was hesitant at first.  As much as I hate it, I am drawn to the colorful, flashy products even though I know that does not automatically make them better.  It's like when you are flipping through the channels and scroll past the old 70's style movie because the picture isn't as high quality as today's movies...that is not to say it is a bad movie or even worse; it just gives that first impression aura.  Again, honesty here, I tried it because it got amazing reviews and the price was outrageously low so I figured I had very little to lose.

Apparently, what I had to lose was fleas.   This little super tiny pill works wonders.  The night you get it you open what looks like a pill box for infants and stare at those minuscule capsules wondering how that is going to do any good.   After surrounding it, easily, in shredded cheese and giving it to the dog, you notice how easily it disappears.  Maybe it is because it is smaller than the shreds of cheese and goes unnoticed, maybe it is because it is beef flavored (although I did not taste-test it); it really doesn't matter because it is gone and you think nothing will happen anyway.

In the morning, you awaken to something different.  Unaware of what has changed, you shower, get ready for work, and notice the dog sitting on the bed waiting...just sitting there...BAM! It hits you like a beer bottle in a bar fight; she is just sitting there and not itching!  Not once - not even a flinch.  Ok, it is just a fluke, you think.  Luckily she is white (your dog color may differ than the one in this review and it is no reflection of the product.  In all fairness, my dog was white before the pills as well) so you can easily see her skin.  Not a single flea.  Nowhere.

You do a little embarrassing dance while the dog stares in confusion and scream to the world, "BEST FLEA STUFF EVER!!"

YOT 69 - Boss Lady

I love my job. I just need to start by saying that because the rest of this may seem as if I feel the opposite.

My job is a good fit for me...I am not sure that I am a good fit for my job sometimes.  I have been there for just going on a year and a half now.  I was just getting to where I actually understood what I was doing!  Things were flying in and I was tossing my net out there catching everything.  Sure, some things hovered on the edge there but I always reeled them in at the end.  I was feeling confident, proud, excited, and relaxed.  Hell, I even got co-rookie of the year! The work is extremely interesting (to me - no one seems totally understand what it is I do even though it seems simple enough to me when I explain it). 

I don't think even Chris understands it.  If anyone there can explain to me what I do - someone that does not work where I do - I will give you a prize!

Then, oh then, the rug was yanked out from under me and I was scared.  Starting new things is good for me. I need it; I crave it.  So, being told I was going to learn so many new things was scare but so exciting!  I was actually a little over-confident and convinced myself I could pick it up with no problem in no time at all.   That's how I get along with almost every other thing I do.  Except Microsoft Access - that bitch is still beating me.  

There are times I am mistaken...this is one of those times.  Many days, I feel like my job is winning.  Especially lately.  Whew, it is so much all at once!  There are so many things I need to learn, remember, and DO.  I am actually finding it very hard to keep track of it all and even tougher yet to actually make it happen the way it should.  

My manager, however, is amazing.  She is extremely patient, even when I screw up and cause her more work.  Inside she might be screaming, "WHY IS LISA HERE!?!?!  She should be working at 7-11!" But outside, she is telling me all of the reasons why I should not feel bad about the mistakes.  "How could you have known this?  I never showed you."  or "You have only done this once or twice before" or "It was so easy to miss, I may have missed it too".   There is always something she has to say to make me feel better about making her life miserable.  There are also few people, believe it or not, that I have worked with that know more about Excel than I do.  So,even there, I have so much to learn!  She has taught me a ton of useful stuff with respect to formulas and formatting that I never even knew existed.  Don't even get me started on how fabulous macros are!  Man, I love Excel.  

This YOT, I am thankful for my manager (whom I also consider a friend) for being able to put up with me and for being able to teach me SO much! 

Oh, yes, she has her moments.  We are a lot alike in that respect and, oddly, many others, but this most noticeably.  She does not hide well her frustrated moods, nor do I.  It is always a little comical and a bit scary when she is frustrated or angry with someone.  When that person is ME, or even if i have a slight inkling it is me, though,  I freeze.  My desk is my bubble and I wait like prey being hunted.   She is not bad when she gets like that but I think it goes back to childhood for me.  Getting in trouble came often for me...but the punishment I received was NEVER ever as bad as the feeling of disappointing my parents (or anyone).  Now that I am not with my parents, my next in line of being over me is my manager, whomever that may be.  I have always had this feeling of a fear of disappointing people.  Maybe it is not so much about them but the fear of disappointing myself;  if someone else is disappointed in me then I can't really be proud of myself now can I?

I will get there. It is just taking me MUCH longer than I want or anticipated and until the time where I feel like I "got" it, I will feel like a complete loser - but I try to make up for it by being good at Excel and making people laugh.  Those two things are my smoke & mirrors for now.  It's all I've got!

YOT 68 - Emeals.com (which makes me want to type "emails" 100% of the time)

As many of you saw, I posted a link to Groupon on my Facebook status the other day.  For $29 you can get a 12 month subscription to emeals.com where you get dinner menus and shopping lists.  For an entire year you get someone else to do this for you!

So, you don't get to pick your specific meals, or even change them around.  You DO get to pick the type of eating you want to do.  I chose Paleo for now - I wanted to see how it goes.  Once a week for a year, I will get a menu emailed to me for 7 days of dinners and it will be accompanied by a shopping list.  This means I will not have to spend hours finding recipes and putting all the ingredients together in a shopping list.  Nope, I have people for that now.  I am fancy.

This YOT, I am thankful for emeals.com for saving me so much time and money because I am ONLY buying what is on my list and it will be all used up in the 7 meals.  For me, this is a glorious thing.  Some might not like it because you lose a lot of the spontineity of what to have for dinner.  Sure, you can have mean 6 on night 3 but that's about as crazy as it gets.  See, for ME - that is what I need.  In my case, if I am left to decide what to have for dinner, it will probably have to be picked up or delivered.  This menu thing puts me in my place.

Plus, I made the choice of having menus for the family versus 2 people so we have leftovers for lunches!  I'm smart like that.

Plus, great scott, my refigerator has never looked so healthy!  Green is everywhere.  (Usually that is the mold form the leftover crap we never eat so this is a HUGE improvement.)

YOT 67 - Garlic, yeah, I said garlic

If you keep reading through the next post, you will see I have been cooking.  Tonight, it was prepping for tomorrow's dinner when I realized what this YOT would be.

Tomorrow, we are having garlic chicken.  This is a new recipe that can be cooked in the slow cooker (yippee!).  It always amazes me the prep work that goes into slow cooker recipes.  I mean, I thought that this was supposed to be so much simpler; apparently the actual COOKING is easier but the prep is the same most of the time.

Things were going along just fine; chicken went into the pot, wine and broth covered it.  Next up, garlic.  It's garlic, how hard can that be?  Great Scott, it sucks!  Three heads of garlic, separated into cloves and peeled.  Peeling each clove is a lot of work! There are a lot of cloves in three heads of garlic.

Tonight, this small YOT, I am thankful for the jars of minced garlic!  Oh yes, yes I am.  Next time, I will read the recipe thoroughly and just substitute cloves of garlic for pre-done minced stuff that some amazing people did for me.

My hands stink (yeah, I will put lemon juice on them), by back hurts from standing up that whole time (yeah, I should have been sitting), the counter was a mess because that garlic peel goes everywhere.

This chicken better be damn good.

YOT 66 - My one and only but not my only one

To piggyback on my YOT number 65, I bring you number 66.

Every time I meet someone that is still with their first and only love, I am amazed.  I am amazed, confused, awed, and concerned.

 I mean I hate to buy a mattress because it is a 10 year commitment.  As someone that likes to weigh my options with everything, it is dumbfounding to me that people go on their first date EVER and never date anyone else again.  Saying I like to weigh my options is not to say that I am not spontaneous or I take my time with decisions. Oh, quite the contrary.  I tend to jump into things quickly and make many snap decisions.  However, once I make a choice, I IMMEDIATELY want to know what the other option is like.  I am this way with everything from the brand of toothpaste I use to the genre of movies I see.  While my favorite toothpaste may be Crest, I am absolutely not going to just stick with that for the rest of my life without seeing what the other guys have to offer.  What if Aquafresh is better than it looks?  I mean, look at those stripes, those colors; Crest cannot think I don't look at others, right?

Now though, after having tried Aquafresh, I am sure that it is not the right one for me.  I know I like the way it looks but the way it just is not the same as Crest.  Colgate, though, Colgate is pretty close but still not just right.

See where I am going with this?  I don't know how you can know what is right for YOU if you don't know what is wrong.

So, I am thankful that I have exes.  I am thankful that all those guys thought I was right for them at the time even if I wasn't - yet another lesson learned:  It is not just that others are wrong for me, but I am also wrong for others.  I am thankful that by going through all of the things that were wrong for me, I found the one that has everything right.

YOT 65 - Exes are not always terrible but better as exes

How many of you have an ex?  Oh, probably 99% of us have an ex of some sort.  Maybe it was a short-lived romance that just burned out, maybe it was a full-on love affair that ended in the most devastating way, perhaps it was an awful, terrifying experience that scared the hell out of you so you got out, or it is possible that you thought it was the one true thing but got your heart torn to a million pieces when they left you.

At the time it happens, no matter the way it happens, it is (almost always) a dark, horrible time.  Breaking up is not easy even when it is the absolute right thing to do.  It means starting over, leaving the comfort of knowing what will happen.  That can be a comfort even if what happens is terrifying; sometimes the not knowing can be scarier.  

Once it is over though, I mean after it is ALL over and you have moved on, whether that has been a month, a year, or a decade, do you think back on it?  Do you ever think about what you learned?  You did not spend that time with someone else, didn't let yourself open up to someone, didn't completely give in to someone just to have nothing to show for it in the end.  You should never come out of any relationship without being smarter than you were at the start of it.  You may not realize it, but I would be willing to bet you learned SOMETHING.  

I have learned something, little or big, from everyone I have dated.  The people I dated were obviously not the right choice for me but everyone has something to teach.  I have learned so many things!  I have learned what a cotter pins and castle nuts are, how to install windows, I have become damn good at taping up drywall and I know installing cabinets is a horrible job to do.  I have learned that mac and cheese is better than french fries to go alongside my hamburger,  how to shoot guns and I am not half bad at shooting clay targets.  

Most importantly, I have learned how to be a better companion in a relationship.  I have learned what works and does not work universally.  Certain things work with certain people yes, but everyone wants some basic things and I have learned more about how to focus more on those and what specific things each unique person needs.  I have learned that it is a relationship and not all about me and what I want or need out of it.  I have learned how to compromise, be more patient, sacrifice, give in, and, when absolutely necessary, shut the hell up and accept defeat (no, that is not often but still...).  

I am very thankful for the opportunity to learn from my past and my exes; thankful for realizing that just because it didn't work doesn't mean it was a waste of time.  

YOT 64 - Commute

Some days it takes me a long time to get to work...when there is traffic it cam take up to 20 minutes!  Can you believe I have to go through that nonsense? I know, right?  Utterly barbaric!

Unlike most people, I am lucky enough to live so close to work that I could ride my bike.  If there were better routes to do so, I would.  It is one of my very few complaints.  There are other drawbacks to riding my bike to work; rainy days would suck, super hot Texas days would be even worse.

Another factor is that I would not be able to carpool with my boys.  Admittedly, there are days I would rather be alone which means there are days I drive my own car.  But the days that we go together are usually pretty fun.  Normally, we discuss trains we see, tractors we see, and how good he is going to be at school (lies, all lies).  Larsipan sits in the back eating his cereal and drinking his milk but, as usual, he tends to make us laugh at his random silliness.

For example:  He has just learned knock-knock jokes.  Well, by "learned" I mean he has hear what they are and thinks he gets it.  Yeah, he doesn't understand them at all but he sure tries.  This is his newest as of today:
Knock-knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Apple daddy

See?  We will get there but man, it might be a painful, bumpy road ahead.

Sometimes, on the way home, it take a bit longer as traffic is usually much worse.  This, however, can go either way; it can be even more fun than the morning ride with the boy, or it can be completely frustrating.   All this depends on the boy's mood.  It is entertaining to listen to his rants about how his best friend Neal got into trouble again (all the while I know that means Larsipan got into trouble as well because the two are inseparable).  Almost always though, we get a song of some sort.  We are usually not allowed to join in unless he forgets words and then we are only allowed to help get him going again before we are to be quiet and let him have the spotlight.

I am extremely thankful that the commute is short but to be honest, I would not mind it being longer to get more time to enjoy the boys in that setting.

Beautiful motivation that every single person needs - why you should compliment those you meet. (Also YOT 63)

I have been sitting here watching this video trying to find the words to explain how it has made me feel.  As per my usual - I am just going to start typing and you will all see what ends up coming out -usually unedited and from the heart - as it all should be.

For so many of us, girls as well as you boys, looking in the mirror every morning feels like a bit of disappointment starting our day.  I know I feel that way quite often.  The worst times are when I get my hair ready, get dressed, get all put together, think I look awesome and then I look.  My heart sinks, my shoulders slump, my eyes droop a little, my smile fades, and I can only shrug and walk out the door.  I mean, what else can I do?  I tried so hard and this is all I get...barely mediocre.  Depending on the situation, I may also cry.  So, there is that little bit of awesomeness to add to it so my mediocre rating has now been downgraded to just plain pitiful.

I know what I look like, I am seeing it in a mirror.  There is no arguing that.  Perception, however, is personal and different for everyone in every situation.

This video shows so much.  

It shows us that we see ourselves in such an incredibly darker light than those around us see us.
It shows us that we are so extremely hard on ourselves.
It shows us that we are better than we think.
It shows us why saying something nice to anyone may boost their esteem more than we think.
It shows us that we are all memorable.
It shows us that we need to learn to love ourselves as others love us.

It also makes me aware that if I feel this way, I know there must be others and I feel so sad for them too.  The feeling I described above is not something I wish on anyone especially since it is an almost daily occurrence for me.  I look around at all my friends and cannot think of a single person who should feel that way.  No one.  I also look around and realize that those I always think NEVER feel this way, probably do feel this way now and then.  They just see negative things in themselves that I don't see...just like they see positive things in me that I am missing every day (I hope!).   

I am going to try very hard to see those positive things in me.  I am also going to try even harder to make sure I point out those positive things I see in others.  I do give myself credit on this point, I am usually excellent about pointing out the positives I see in people.  Just the other day, in the restroom at the sink, there was a girl that looked like she was having a rough day.  Seeing this, I blurted out, "I really love your hair, it is beautiful!"  Ok, maybe it was nothing special, just pretty, curly, brown hair but saying those simple words made her eyes beam, her smile seemed to light up the room, and she appeared to have a little bounce in her step when she walked out (smiling).

Why do we forget to do these things?  Why is 10 seconds too much time to spend saying that to someone?

I am sneaking in a YOT because I am so super incredibly behind and need to grasp every opportunity at this point - but today, I am incredibly grateful for every compliment I get.  I am honestly not always able to show how excited I feel, how proud, and how boosted I get when someone says something nice to me (and to be honest, sometimes I really don't believe the comment is true), but I am thankful for each one I get.

YOT 62 - Glorious Laptop

It has been a long time since my last few Year of Thanks posts, yes, I know.  However, in my defense, I have not had a computer.  FINALLY, I have one! Also - I LOVE it!

Windows 8 (which gets better the more I use it and figure it out), TOUCH SCREEN ("such seem" as Larzipan calls it), and I can actually play games and surf the internet on it.  Whew!

It is an Acer Aspire V5.  It has a 15.6" touch screen, SUPER thin at only 1" thick, light at 5.29 lbs, a lit keyboard (when I turn it on), and it has a side number pad!  There are so many fabulous things about this laptop.

Many, many thanks to Omega for doing so much research and getting the perfect one for me.  I did have quite the list of particulars.

YOT 61 - Best friends are hard to come by

Last night I was at Cassidy's house hanging out a bit.  Evan had two friends over for a sleepover, everyone else went out to a friend's house to play (including my clan).  The chaos of three 7 & 8 year old boys is deafening and completely absurd.  I can't wait for Laripan to have this fun!  First thing's first - a fort had to be made.  At first, I asked why WE were building it and not the boys.  For one thing, if it were my sleepover when I was young, I would never have given someone else that honor of building my fort; that would have been too much fun to pass up.  Secondly, it's their damn fort - they should do it themselves.  It's not like they are three and can't do it.  But, as we went on building (because I just got laughed at and probably got the eye roll look behind my back from Cassidy), I realized that I was glad we built it.  It was fun and I don't think we adults get to have that as often as we should.  We also decided that we will be having a sleepover and will be building a fort for ourselves.

While building and creating this masterpiece, the boys were in their room giggling and being loud and having so much fun.  I said, "Don't you miss that?   That 'best friend' fun feeling?".  She said that she did miss that as well.

After the fort was done, we went out to the kitchen, opened the wine (ok, I was the one that raided the fridge and got the wine for myself) and started making pizzas.  The boys came out and told us what they wanted before retreated back to the "YouTube" watching lair. Pizza making was fun! Cassidy made the boys their pepperoni pizza but saved one slice to be just cheese - making it look like Pac-Man.  Yup - we are dorks and took a picture of it.  While the pizza cooks, we drank wine and talked and laughed then fed the insane maniacs in the other room and ate our pizzas - while still drinking wine.

Cotton candy was next.  We broke out the machine and whipped up a few batches of different flavors for the boys (and a little for us).  We even, accidentally made it snow glittery white shards of cotton candy in her kitchen - oh the joys!  Sorry Mopey Marsh...I know it was bittersweet for you.

More wine.

"Wicked Tuna" came on the TV.  By the way, you HAVE to say that with an Australian accent, apparently.  No, it is not an Australian show, just an Australian title.  It is actually a Massachusetts show so they do talk funny too.  So, anyway, standing about two feet away from the TV,  we made fun of the guys on there, planned our new careers as fisherwomen in bikinis (when we saw them get almost $4,000 for a single fish), cancelled that plan since I don't want to kill the fish, and decided to watch "The Hobbit" instead.  Of course, we decided we should sit down for that but the couch was too far away (oh, our first world problems are seriously adding up at this point, eh?) so that had to be moved.

We plopped down on the couch, grabbed a piece of cheesecake to split, finished the wine, and settled in for the show.

While we were sitting there watching and talking a little, I realized something.  We should not be missing that "best friend" fun feeling.  We have it.  Right now.  All night, we were the ones doing all the fun stuff; we built the fort, we made the pizzas, we laughed at the cotton candy snow.  We were laughing as much as, if not more than, the boys.  We were the ones giggling with the inappropriate jokes we made that the boys totally would not get...yet.

Only now, instead of when we were that age, it is even better; we get to do all of that with wine.

Today, I am very thankful to have a best friend again, especially one like Cassidy.

YOT 60 - Poor little rich Lisa

Apparently, I grew up poor.  I never knew it either! It was actually only a few years ago that my parents told me this news.  They were honestly shocked when I didn't believe them.  "Don't you remember all the nights we ate BLTs or SOS for dinner?  Don't you remember the cinder block shelves we had?"

Umm, yeah, I remember those.  I always loved those about my childhood.  I MISS those things.  They were never associated with being poor; they were associated with being our life.  Those damn cinder blocks are hard to find and when I do find them, they are not cheap anymore.

Christmastime always made me feel like the richest girl in the world.  The presents were ridiculous!  They would radiate out from under the tree and impinge the living room, making the room so much smaller.  It was glorious.

I am thankful that my parents did everything they did for us to keep us from knowing we were poor.  I never went without anything I needed.  Of course, I went without a lot I WANTED but what kid doesn't?  Seriously, I always thought we had a lot of money.  From what I remember, we always had nice houses, decent cars, and we always had fun.  So, it seems, the cars were mostly used, the houses were great deals, but the fun was all free.

It really does not - NOT - matter what you have or how much money.  It matters how you spend your time with the time, and people, you have.   I don't remember the *stuff* or the money.  What I remember is the awesome childhood I had.  I remember the constant laughter.  I remember the fights and arguments, but I remember that they were usually because we were all strong willed and like-minded.

I remember the BLTs, SOS, and cinder blocks and I will take all of that over filet and Ethan Allen shelves any day of the week.

YOT 59 - Healthy start

Tomorrow is February 1st.  Do you know what that means?  Yeah, all those things you just said are probably true.  I should specify; do you know what that means for me right at this moment?

It means I got through January without getting sick! It seems like everyone has been getting sick these past several months, including me.  I will take one month without it.  Actually, no one in this house has gotten sick this month.

Don't get me wrong, I am not jinxing us.  I am simply being thankful that we got through one month without an ill day.  It may hit us in February but it can't take January away from us.  We will always have January.

YOT 58 - Safe

Sometimes the things we are thankful for are things you may not have thought about until it was no longer there.  Tonight, I am feeling that.

Those sweet few nights when Larzipan gets in bed with me, for some strange reason a few months ago, he started telling me he felt safe there with me.  As a mom, that is such an unbelievable feeling; knowing your baby feels safe with you.  I respond the way I always do by confirming it to him and letting him know I won't let anything happen and he is always safe with me.  He sighs a relieved sigh and says, "yeah, I am safe".  I am so boundlessly envious of this.

This YOT 58 - I am thankful for all the times I felt safe and that there are more of those times than these.

The world today is not the same as it was before.  People will say it is, that the media just exploits the tragedies more, that bad things have always happened.  Yes, I know bad things have always happened.  There have always been bad guys versus good guys.  There have always been horrible, monumental tragedies.  I also agree that the media hypes things up and dwells on things and focuses all its attention on the distressing stories.

People will also say that you can't stop bad things from happening.  No one can predict when and where these times will happen.  If it is going to happen, it will happen.  It is now just part of life.

Those things are ALL true.  But, how the hell is that supposed to make me feel better?  Do they expect me to respond with, "Oh, thank you! I feel so much better now.  I feel *safe* because it is unavoidable".  Nope.  It does not make me feel any better.  I don't feel safe anywhere.  Don't even get me started on those that tell me it is their god's plan.  Ugh.

None of this means I will stop going places.  Life does go on.  We cannot stop living just because we are scared.  What it means, is that no matter where I go, the movies, the mall, Larzipan's school, I will not feel safe.  It means that the entire time I am there, I will be scanning a bit more, listening a bit more, planning an escape a bit more seriously.  It means that every single day I drop Larzipan off at school, I will hug and kiss him more and it means I will worry about him until I pick him up.

The saddest part of this is that my only hope, at this point, is just to go long enough to get complacent again.  My hope is that enough time will pass between tragedies that I will again feel safe, even if I am not completely actually safe.  I just want to feel it again.

YOT 57 - Perfect nights

This past week was SO cold!  Basically, it was a two or three blanket on the bed, fire in the fireplace, heat on full blast in the car, scrape the windshield before work sort of cold.  We are Texans, and we are over that.  If you are going to get cold, just snow and give us a day off work and move on.  Don't mess us up with this cold teasing crap.  Pour it on and get out.

Tonight, though, great Scott  tonight was perfect.  It was just warm enough and there was that wind that was just sublime.    Larzipan and I went for a walk and I loved every second of it.  I may be alone in this thinking but walking outside when the weather is like this, it just feels clean.  I feel refreshed, bright, simple.  Nights like this make me more observant .  I notice more things that I would not in hot or cold weather.  Feeling this way is just relaxing and invigorating.

This YOT 57 - I am thankful for brilliant, warm, perfect nights.

Just think of all that could get done if the weather was like this ALL the time.  Maybe the Truman Show wouldn't be all that bad.

YOT Day 56 - Brad is at home FINALLY

Ok, so, he has been out of the hospital for a bit now.  He has been staying at his parents' house with Tambry and their dog.  Brad still needs quite a bit of help and should not be alone yet.  Since Pete is there all day it works out perfectly!  It was so SO great to see him up and about today.  He cooked the food today and baked a cake yesterday.  Sure, he has to take a lot of naps and breaks but he is so much better than he was the last time I saw him in the hospital.  Being at home sometimes does that to you.

Today, this YOT day 56- I am thankful Brad is finally home (ish) and out of the hospital!

To be quite honest, there is not a lot of thinking or writing that needs to be done for this one.  He is healing.  That is excellent!

Thank you to the doctors or the just plain amazing healing power of the human body.  He is not healed, but he is on his way.

YOT Day 55 - I now love you, you do love me

This is why I had to finish the previous Barney post.

This is one of the small posts but one that was big for us in our little family.

As usual lately, and to our dismay, we were watching Barney.  Wait, wait, let me rephrase that sentence.  Larzipan was watching Barney while Chris and I worked on our zen meditation / tuning out methods.  It is always a great moment when the end song comes on.  Come on you guys, sing it with me...

"I love you, you love me.  We're a happy family with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.  Won't you say you love me too?  I love you, you love me.  We are friends like friends should be with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.  Won't you say you love me too?"

Only tonight, it was much more interactive.

"I love you, you love me.  (Larzipan looks at me while singing it)  We're a happy family with a great big hug (Larzipan leans in a gives me a big hug) and a kiss (I get a sweet little kiss)  from me to you.  Won't you say you love me too?  I love you, you love me. (He takes my hand to hold it and reaches for Chris to hold his other hand) We are friends like friends should be with a great big hug (Hugs for me and then for Chris) and a kiss (yup - kisses for everyone) from me to you.  Won't you say you love me too?""

ok, it was a Barney moment and you would probably not know about it if not for this damn blog promise I stupidly made in November but it was an extremely wicked awesome moment for the Haagen family tonight. It gave me a new appreciation for the ending Barney song (no, not the entire show, just the song at the end that makes my son hold my hand and hug and kiss me).

YOT Day 54 - Food

Today was a great day.  My company makes me SO proud sometimes.  Well, most days it does but today was one of those extra special proud days.

My department did not go into the office as usual today.  Nope, today we ALL volunteered at the North Texas Food Bank.  It was done as not only community service, but a team building exercise as well.   It worked on so many levels.

For anyone that does not know, the North Texas Food Bank feeds so many people in 13 counties in north Texas.  They actually provide access to around 130,000 nutritious meals a day.  They do this through 14 different programs ranging from Food 4 Paws, which supplies food for pets of these needy families, to the Second Chance Program which allows select prisoners to volunteer their time to work in the food bank, giving them warehouse training to use to find work upon release.  There is also the Kids Cafe and Food 4 Kids programs which offer food to kids that receive free or reduced-price breakfast and lunches at school, but do not have food at home for dinner or weekends.

Everyone from my department showed up today ready and excited for this opportunity!  It really was a lot of fun too.  Great Scott, it was a LOT of work though! Basically what we did was take the tons of food that local grocery stores donated that were close to expiration date, and we sorted it.  We were there for 2 1./2 hours and wow, we sorted SO much food! I don't remember how many meals, but our work will feed a lot of people tomorrow morning.  I went home tonight feeling extremely proud of us.

I will be going there again - or to any food bank to help.  If anyone wants to jump in and go with me, let me know.

This day made me realize how much we take our own pantry for granted.  Even tonight, we got Little Cesar's Pizza because (it is so damn yummy, duh) we were too lazy to make anything we have.  We have food.  It is just not anything we wanted tonight.

Today, this YOT Day (post) 54, I am thankful for being able to always have food in my house.

It is a bittersweet feeling to know that my cabinets have food in them and I have the option of whatever I want to eat, even if that means ordering out.  Yet, there are people that cannot feed their kids at night at all.  While I know it is real, the idea of it is unfathomable to me.  I honestly cannot imagine myself in that situation.  How horrible it must feel when your child tells you they are hungry and you have absolutely nothing to give them.  It is heartbreaking.  Whatever the situation, it is not fair to the kids.  I know there are some people out there that don't care and are wanting to live off the government.  I know they are there, I have met them.  They will let their kids go hungry just to "stick it" to the government and make them feed them.  I also know there are so many families out there trying so hard and just can't get food on the table every night.  They work but it just is not enough to pay for everything they need.  They have so few options.

The NTFB is helping so many of those families and I am grateful for that.  Although they feed 130,000 meals a day, they estimate they need about triple that to feed everyone that needs it.  How incredible is that?  That there are that many people, just in north Texas alone, that cannot feel themselves on a regular basis.

This also reminds me to be nice to everyone you meet because you do not know what their story is.  You don't know what they are silently fighting at home.  Not feeding your kids is not something you would be open to tell anyone about.