Why I am was breaking up with Facebook

For quite some time now, I have been debating leaving the socially awkward world of Facebook and have very recently decided it is coming to the time it actually happen.  For me, logging into Facebook has become like going to the lame party you really don't enjoy but are obligated to go because all your friends are going.  So, you go and you just wander like a zombie though the maze of people, making small talk with a few, creepily staring at others while wondering why anyone even invited them in the first place and trying to get the attention of the core group of friends you have while they are distracted with a hundred other people and games and memes.

Here are my reasons for leaving the party all by myself.  These will be in order of counting down to the most influential and important reason. 

5.  Facebook has gotten ridiculous with ads

     Seriously, between the right quarter of my page covered in unnecessary and repetitive ad for items and services I don't need.  I do not want to be an ultrasound tech nor have I ever looked into being one.  I want to do that as much as I want to play Candy Crush Saga, which seems to be an ad CONSTANTLY on my screen.  Do they honestly think I haven't seen it enough having been bombarded by all of these requests my friends send to me?  Not only are they on the side of my screen, but they also are brought into my timeline feed in between friend posts.  I hide a lot of them but there are always others.  it is like the sand at the beach when you get home; just when you think you got it all out of your crevices, you feel more ten minutes later.  Facebook ads are the sand in my crevices.  

4.  It has gotten dull and the grammar sucks.  My grammar is not perfect by any means.  My biggest issue is grown people speaking like a teenager in 2005.  There is more than one person that, when they post, I literally do not know what they are saying.  Each time I read it I wonder if I have actually had a stroke and my brain just is not functioning the way it should.  After the fourth or fifth time reading and not getting it I finally give up and move on to literate people that have something to actually say.  That in itself is getting tougher to come by though.  Not every post needs to be a scream it from the top of the mountain so everyone can hear it thing but really, I, wait, NO ONE, cares about your mundane day-to-day tasks.  People commonly say to "leave that for Twitter" but I honestly don't think they care over there either.  There are those Facebookers that post the same things over and over.  There is nothing more substantial in your like than being on another flight. You travel for your job.  Woo freaking hoo.  That is like me posting every time I work up a cost projection for my client moving a person to France - again.  Would anyone care about that? Nope.  That's why I don't do it.  If that is the case and there is nothing else going on for you, I think you should get off Facebook and make new friends.   Had triplets?  Hell yeah, post that!

3. It shows us how our friends can be when they are uncensored.  Facebook is many things to many people.  Some of use use it as a way to stay in touch with others, some use it as their news source, some are just nosy / curious about everyone else, and there are those that use it as an outlet.  We all have opinions, we all need to find a way to get those out.  Some people keep them hidden.  Until they get their hands on a keyboard and a Facebook account.  It is these secret people that shock me.  By secret, I am talking about those people that are one way in person and a completely different person on Facebook.  They use it as their podium, their safety net to post what they want to say without fear of what others will think.  It makes them strong.  It sometimes makes them assholes too.  Do we all have that friend we love to see in person but hate to read on Facebook?  I sure do.  I wish I have never befriended some of those people on Facebook because I sure like them better in person.

2.  Even with all of the above complaints, it is still addictive.  I admit, I like to be cynical and bitch about other people.  It is fun and I am good at it.  I'm not alone in this, right Alicia!?! *waiting for my high five that may never come*.  So, yes, I find myself checking it all the time.  On work breaks, off work breaks, at lunch, at home, before bed.  All the time. Because - there is no reason.  I hate how much time it takes away from other things like Larsipan and StumbleUpon.

1.  It gets mixed up with real life.
One day a friend asked me if I had spoken to another of our friends recently.  "Yes, of course, I spoke to her the other day" was my response.  After this I realized,  I really hadn't spoken to her...all we did was comment to each other on Facebook about her status.  We had not had an actual conversation in weeks.  I believe Facebook is an excellent way to keep in touch with far away friends or even to make new friends through others.  However, it is also a way to avoid actually seeing people that live near you.  It gives a false sense of closeness.  We take for granted that we "talk" to these people every day or "see" what they are doing in their lives but we really are looking at it as an outsider; almost like a stalker.  It seems to be hurting my friendships.

************Update:  I am not, in case you have not noticed, leaving Facebook.   Here is why:

It is not Facebook's fault that all of this bothers me. It is not Facebook's fault that some of my friends speak like a 14 year-old or that others lead extremely boring lives or even that I turned into a stalker that does not see my friends often enough.  It is all my fault.  Well, not my fault for the first two but my fault for 1) letting it bother me and 2) being friends with people I don't want to hear about.  SO - I deleted those teenage-talking dweebs and the ones that are extremely boring.  I also am going to make it a point to see my friends more in real life.

Having so many friends far away and meeting new people through amazing friends on Facebook are what keeps me here.  So,  I just need to change what I don't like and quit bitching about it.  Nah, I will still bitch...I will just enjoy it more.

There are so many GOOD things about Facebook that got hidden by the bad.  The bad is and always will be there but I need to focus on the other not-bad things.  The great things people do post, the amazing things people have to say about each other, the fun events that I get invited to.  It all needs to keep going and I want to be there for it.  Facebook is teaching me to refocus my attention on the positive and reorganize my friends into real ones vs. fake Facebook friends.  I don't have any of those any longer.   My friend list consists of those people that I would have over to my house for dinner.  This is something I just need to make happen MORE.  

YOT 72 - SMG being the good guy

Last week, as you may, or may not have any idea, I wrong a letter to Studio Movie Grill in Spring Valley about some of the compliments and complaints I had with my first ever visit there.
Didn't read it but want to?  Forgot all about it?  Here it is: Original Letter to SMG Spring Valley

Well, I have to admit, that the Assistant General Manager, Tim Pittman, seems to be a great guy that cares about his theater.  Here is his response:

I appreciate that you took the time to give us feedback on your experience.  I apologize, however, that it did not measure up to the standards that Studio Movie Grill has been known for.

We pride ourselves in delivering a great experience with quality food, excellent service, a clean store and a friendly smiling staff.  I see from your email that we did not provide that for you. The management staff is currently reviewing how to have the bathrooms continuously clean even during high volume time periods.  We currently have a staff member assigned to check every 15 minutes however I believe we may need to simply place someone in there always.  I am embarrassed that staff members were not more helpful to you and more pleasant. 

In regards the tables, these are almost exactly the same tables that are in the VIP rows of certain theaters in Arlington location.  The only difference is that placement of the light box.  I prefer the ones at Arlington also.  We are currently looking at newer table designs to better accommodate our guests here at Spring Valley.  I apologize that they caused such a difficult time for you and your family.

Please give us another chance to show you the true SMG experience.

He also is giving me four free tickets to use to give him another chance.  You bet I will do that, Tim!

So many times, we (you, me, everyone) mentions concerns or issues with management and they really just don't care.  I mean, many times they OBVIOUSLY don't care.  Other times you just get that vibe and expect nothing to change.  But, sometimes you get those people that seem to love their job, love their customers, and honestly want to be proud of their business and want you happy.  Tim Pittman is one of those guys and I believe Studio Movie Grill is one of those places.  

I am thankful when someone, especially a  business owner / representative, cares enough to acknowledge an issue, apologize, and think about ways to correct them.  Even without the ticket offer, this would have been an excellent email that made me want to visit again.  There were many good things about this place and none of the bad things ruined my night with Omega - all of which I mentioned in my email to him.

Tim, I will not say no to your ticket offer!  Please know that while it was absolutely not necessary  it is very much appreciated but not as much as your amazing attitude and response.  Thank you!

YOT 70 - SMG makes me SMH

Here is my letter to Studio Movie Grill on my experience tonight :-)

Hello SMG!

I have gone to your Arlington location several times and have never had a complaint.  Tonight, however, we went to the Dallas / Spring Valley location and my experience changed.  

Upon entering the location, we were so impressed!  It was beautiful and clean; it was so open and welcoming.  The service at the bar was great and there were even people passing out popcorn and a dessert (I didn't get offered any but it looked delicious!).  I even said to my husband while sitting at the bar, "well, my movie-going experience tonight it really amazing!". It was unlike the Arlington location that we normally visit.  

We were going to Theater 2 for Iron Man!  We got into the theater itself and it too was spotlessly clean.  It even smelled new!  Then we got to our seats.  The "tables" at our seats were the smallest I have seen in a dine-in theater.  They reminded me of the old desks we used to have in school.  Remember those; the ones where the desk was attached to the chair?  Yeah, those were bigger.  

The "table" swings out and to the right to sort of allow you to enter your seat.  There is still a bit of squeezing and jimmying to get between the back of the seat in front of yours and the "table" but you can do it!   So, I did.  After looking at the menu, which is great as always, our server came pretty quickly and was friendly.  In the 20 minutes it took to get our drinks, my elbow, hand, and menu hit the service call button three times accidentally.  The "table" is so small and the button is right where anyone's arm will hit it when naturally leaning on it.  I felt so because each time it happened, a server had to come over.  Ugh, how embarrassing.  After the third time I just had to sit with my hands tucked in behind the "table" like a little kid in trouble.  It was the only way to avoid the button. 

So, after the 20 minutes passed and we go our drinks, it immediately started sliding down towards me.  Now, here is where my predicament happened.  Do I hold the drink and risk pushing the button or keep my arm down and risk the drink sliding.   What to do - what to do...  I stole my husband's napkin and that seemed to hold the drink in place a bit better so  problem solved.   About 30 - 40 minutes after that, we got our food. The food was the same as the other location, it was just as good as normal.  Albeit, sliding down my "table" towards me.    The theater was packed so we were not upset or surprised about the length of time the drinks or food took.  It was completely understandable.

Finally, the awesome movie ended and we were happy - even temporarily forgetting (and forgiving) the "table" issues.  Wait - they are handing out mints right outside the theater - awesome!  Maybe I was too hard on you, SMG, and maybe I should give you another chance after all.   Happily, I chew on my mint when I realize all that Pepsi really gets to a girl so off to the restroom I go.

To be honest,  I have been in New York City subway station restrooms that were cleaner than this one.  In their defense  there may have been someone living there though.  I will give it one thing, it was huge!   There were so many stalls in there and that is impressive.   Upon entering the row of stalls, I see a girl going from one to another.  Immediately, I assume she is looking for one with toilet paper.  Sure enough, it took me 10 seconds to deduce how this nice restroom was funded;  they save money by only supplying 1/3 of the stalls with toilet paper.   All of them had dispensers for two rolls but 2/3 of the stalls were completely empty.  Luckily, a girl was leaving as I passed and I was one of the lucky few to get a complete stall! Whew!  As I was, erm, doing my thing, I overheard several discussions about needing paper.  The women in that restroom bonded over sharing toilet paper.  

On my way out, I did speak to two girls at the front ticket counter area.  One of them was very polite about it.  I very nicely stated exactly this, "Hi.  I just want to let you know that the restrooms are ..." Yes, I know that is not a complete sentence but that is all I got out before the non-so-polite girl answered me with, "ok, thank you.  So, thinking she just may have not heard me, I proceeded to complete my statement while rephrasing it a bit.  "They are pretty messy and..."  Damn, foiled again by not-so-polite girl with her "ok, thank you".  I began a little mini rant to see if I could actually get my point across to her and count how many interruptions I received.  I had only three sentences to get out but she said "Ok, thank you" six times.  At the end, when i think we are all done she threw me for a loop when the last interruption was...no, not "ok thank you" but "ok, I will let the manager know". I like to think I won that little battle but I am not so sure.  

Anyway,  this has been my story on the experience tonight with a new location of your theater system.  I do hope you have a wonderful night and thank you for listening.    Keep up the great work in the bar area of this location - it was stellar!  Just maybe extend that experience to the rest. 

Regards,
Me

*** Not in the letter:  Tonight, I am thankful for finding stalls with toilet paper because egads! It sucks when you don't have any - especially if there is no one next to you.  I hope I am not alone here, but I have done the" pants close to all the way up but not touching the important (wet) parts  hope no one comes in and sees fast run/waddle to the next stall to find toilet paper" fiasco.  

YOT 58 - Safe

Sometimes the things we are thankful for are things you may not have thought about until it was no longer there.  Tonight, I am feeling that.

Those sweet few nights when Larzipan gets in bed with me, for some strange reason a few months ago, he started telling me he felt safe there with me.  As a mom, that is such an unbelievable feeling; knowing your baby feels safe with you.  I respond the way I always do by confirming it to him and letting him know I won't let anything happen and he is always safe with me.  He sighs a relieved sigh and says, "yeah, I am safe".  I am so boundlessly envious of this.

This YOT 58 - I am thankful for all the times I felt safe and that there are more of those times than these.

The world today is not the same as it was before.  People will say it is, that the media just exploits the tragedies more, that bad things have always happened.  Yes, I know bad things have always happened.  There have always been bad guys versus good guys.  There have always been horrible, monumental tragedies.  I also agree that the media hypes things up and dwells on things and focuses all its attention on the distressing stories.

People will also say that you can't stop bad things from happening.  No one can predict when and where these times will happen.  If it is going to happen, it will happen.  It is now just part of life.

Those things are ALL true.  But, how the hell is that supposed to make me feel better?  Do they expect me to respond with, "Oh, thank you! I feel so much better now.  I feel *safe* because it is unavoidable".  Nope.  It does not make me feel any better.  I don't feel safe anywhere.  Don't even get me started on those that tell me it is their god's plan.  Ugh.

None of this means I will stop going places.  Life does go on.  We cannot stop living just because we are scared.  What it means, is that no matter where I go, the movies, the mall, Larzipan's school, I will not feel safe.  It means that the entire time I am there, I will be scanning a bit more, listening a bit more, planning an escape a bit more seriously.  It means that every single day I drop Larzipan off at school, I will hug and kiss him more and it means I will worry about him until I pick him up.

The saddest part of this is that my only hope, at this point, is just to go long enough to get complacent again.  My hope is that enough time will pass between tragedies that I will again feel safe, even if I am not completely actually safe.  I just want to feel it again.

Hopeless Rant

Tonight, lying in bed with Lars (again, yes, don't judge), I was so emotional.  He was fighting sleep, as usual, by singing his songs he is practicing for his school recital coming up.  Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  Laughing at him and crying for Newtown, CT at the same time.  I feel this... something different, new.  It is something other than sadness, depression, sympathy (I feel those too).  It feels like a hole, this emptiness, this "something" that is missing.  It is not innocence, that has been gone a long time.  I am scared it is hope.  I am terrified I have lost hope.  I don't want that.  Hope is critical.  But, it has, at least in part, and temporarily, left me.  I don't know what to expect for Lars' future.

I have not given up.  I will always fight for him no matter what.  I am just scared for what the future holds and how far ahead it goes.  I have never been this scared for the future;  I have always been hopeful for a positive one.  Hopeful that people will get their shit together and stop this.  That hope has gone.

What has come is a great sense of helplessness.  A sense of not being able to keep Lars safe no matter what choices I make.  It is no longer up to us, as parents; it is out of our hands.  I am thankful he is too young to ask if he is safe.  If he asked me tonight, I would burst into tears and not know what to say.  How can I say, "No, baby, we are not safe anywhere.  We always have to be on guard, at the mall, at the movies, at school, in the parking lot.  We can never truly feel safe.".  No, I can't say that, can I?  I have to suck it up and say, "Yes, sweetheart.  You are safe.  This happens so rarely, it was just a bad man that chose to make a horrible bad decision.  YOU, though, you are so safe.  Mommy will not let anything bad happen to you.".  But how can I say that either?  It is not the same as lying about Santa Claus.  The moment he realizes I lied about that will not be as dramatic as the moment I hope never happens; the moment a gunman bursts into his classroom and starts shooting and he wonders where I am.  He would wonder why I am not protecting him like I promised.  I can't bear that thought.

Cassidy says it is temporary, she says, "Hope.  Hope comes and goes.  You may have lost it now but it will come back and it may be there still just hidden under your sadness and fear."  Please be right, Cassidy.  Please.